Stuff I like
idk tumblr rap discourse, i think...
He’s currently having the worst time at disney land
the thing about “I walk into the blade” is that thaisha says it like it’s the simplest, most...
- Anonymous said:
On anon because I'm a coward. Sorry for the long ask.
I was just wondering if any other ex-antis had anything that helped them work out the cognitive dissonance? Somehow I have two conflicting beliefs that are (allegedly??) core to who I am as a person, these are my unmovable moral values. But unless the core of who I am as a person is "hypocrite whose beliefs don't make sense," that can't possibly be the case.
I don't really think I'd call myself a "proshipper," but I must say I agree with a lot of what they believe. There's never a valid reason to censor things, no matter how immoral it is. Censorship is always less morally correct than whatever is being censored. Also, antis are huge fucking assholes who are miserable to be around. They make fandom not fun. I'm getting really sick of policing what I actually enjoy or having to performing shame well enough to "justify" why I like it. I don't like feeling ashamed of the things I like, and I don't like making other people feel that way either. I'm here to have fun, and on the modern internet of ragebaiting for engagement, you have to be intentional with your fun, or else you won't have any. You have to seek out communities that align with your interests, morals, and values if you want to find that, because the modern internet is specifically designed to not give you that so you'll keep clicking and watching and looking for it forever.
I DESPERATELY want to find a community that doesn't feel like this anti bullshit all the time. You guys look like you're actually having so much fun. People still harass you for what you like sometimes too, but you don't seem so afraid of those people being your friends. Your mutuals. Everyone. I want what you have SO BAD. I want to be part of that. I hate the little voice that's always asking me if whatever I'm making is too niche, too gross, too weird. I know I got it from other fans policing me, and I know I've helped pass that onto others too. I hate it. It feels like Big Brother is always watching me. Making sure I'm having fun right.
But at the same time....
I don't believe you can be a good person and have certain attractions. There's something fundamentally evil about people who are attracted to, say, children, whether they can change that about themselves or not. Simply the fact they experience that attraction almost makes them beyond redemption. And the only kind of person that I find more deplorable than someone who's attracted to children is someone who isn't, but someone who defends them anyway. You cannot be a good person in my eyes as long as you have that attraction, and people who come to their defense are just as bad if not worse.
I judge the moral compass of a creator by their art (but specifically and especially smut) because it tells me what they're attracted to. That's why this doesn't carry over to other kinds of fiction. But we don't go around scrubbing the internet of the paintings of people like John Wayne Gacy, despite him doing significantly more damage to significantly more real people than any of these random artists on Tumblr or AO3 who're being so severely stepped on. The same should be true of this. The art still deserves to exist, no matter how shitty its creator. But I do assume its creator is shitty.
I know I won't find these things in the same community. What I'm looking for is a defining trait of one group, and another of its polar opposite. They're almost mutually exclusive, yet they both feel so crucial. I know the problem I keep running into in these anti communities is a creation of that scrupulosity I believe in so strongly, and the specific reason I didn't feel so pushed out of proship spaces is because you don't find that there.
But... It's like trying to make me believe the sky is green with spots. You can keep saying it and showing me pictures of a green polka-dotted sky but I just know that can't be right, I've seen outside my whole life and it's never been anything but blue. I could maybe understand if you'd said orange or purple like at sunset, but green with spots? You just can't make me believe that, and I don't really think I can either. I don't really know how to reconcile that. Am I just a hypocrite? How do I stop?
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Attraction is not action, nonnie.
You aren’t a hypocrite. You’re just operating on faulty...
